I would often talk to friends who were pregnant at the same time as me and hear their excitement for everything related to pregnancy. I felt guilty because I didn’t have the same excitement. Was I thrilled beyond words that I was pregnant? Absolutely. But, miscarriage takes some of the joy out of pregnancy. I say some because I didn’t feel like this each and everyday. I honestly was happy and I felt blessed. I knew deep down that my little miracle was meant to be. But, there were days when the worry took over. It was a constant inner battle with myself. This battle lasted until the moment I delivered my baby girl. Even as I was checked into the hospital, hooked up to IV’s, listening to my baby on the monitor…I worried. What If… It never went away for me.
I can’t go through it again. It just hurts too bad.
Those were my thoughts. Then, it became my reality.
But, I got through it. I found the strength I didn’t know I had. It wasn’t easy and some days were better than others. But I wasn’t going to let it stop me from the end result. I knew that a year or a few years of heartache and loss could not compare to the lifetime of happiness a child would bring us. That is how I CHOSE to look at it.
If you find yourself pregnant after miscarriage, know this…
Keep your faith. You have a little angel looking over you each and every day.
Trust that God has a plan for you and your miracle on the way.
Great post! I've been reading for a long time and I've never commented but I really wanted to thank you for this post. I was just trying to explain this to my husband last night..that even though I'm 36 weeks into a healthy pregnancy I am sick of worrying about losing this baby every day. Every time he has a quiet hour or I feel slightly "off." The relief of him being out where I can see that he's okay is something I dream about every day!
You are one amazing lady! Beautifully written. xoxox
I know this post will help so many ladies out there! So wonderful of you to share!
Great post, glad to see you talking about one of those "taboo" subjects. I am sure it will help many wonderful women!!
So true. I've been there too girl and know exactly how you felt! 🙂
I'm so glad that you were able to post this because I know it will help many other ladies out there dealing with the same things. You are so strong!
I am so happy that Avery is here and safe in your arms…what a blessing!
you are a gem. thanks for being vulnerable, sharing your story, sharing your hurts, and being a testimony to Him. blessings girl.
Thank you for this touching post Leah. It has always been one of my biggest fears and recently the stats have shown that a miscarriage for baby #2 is so common… I am still nervous but your post has put my mind at ease… x
What a beautiful post! Although I have never experienced miscarriage I have experienced losing a child before. Our 1st daughter died when she a day old & we struggled for 4 years to have another baby. We finally did but our fears were so much the same. We can't have anymore children & that is a blessing & a curse. Anyway, thanks for sharing this & for allowing me to share my story. And I just found your blog via Emily over at Dear Owen!
Great post! I felt as if the words were coming straight out of my own mouth. We do have a lot in common…including our miracles! 🙂
Found your blog through Mrs to Mama's blog and I love every post you have written! I am a mother of a four year old and with my mother experiencing two miscarriages and I having problems with ovarian cancer issues I am terrified to try for another. Everyone I hear says that when trying for a second baby you almost always have a miscarriage. I am reluctant but everything you say in your post is helpful and motivating. I am eager to read more! XO
This post brought me to tears. I had a miscarriage a year ago in June and was pregnant again in August. I would lie in bed and sob for the baby that we lost while praying for the baby growing inside me. I had a really hard time feeling bonded/attached to the baby. I was afraid that something was going to happen again. At 15 weeks we told our immediate family and I finally felt like I could breathe again. But at an appointment at 17 weeks my midwife told me the baby had a "very distinct" heart murmur and started talking about surgery. Thank God by our scan at 19 weeks everything was fine. But I remember beings about 36 weeks at church one Sunday and at the end of service I was hysterical because I was afraid I was going to lose the baby. I was so close, but what if…what if? We had a family friend lose her baby at 39 weeks so I knew that anything could happen. I really had to lean on God the entire pregnancy and stand on His word and declare His promises. And as I type this I am currently nursing our sweet 4 month old baby boy to sleep. God is so good and faithful. Thank you for openly talking about such a common heartache for women.