Our Journey to Parenthood - Alyssa's Journey

Hello! I am Alyssa and I blog over at My Husband’s Watching TV While I’m Watching the Baby but to really read and understand about my infertility journey, you should check out my other blog Crossing My Fingers But Not My Legs.

First off though, here’s a picture of my cute little family minus our furbabies.

I’m one of those Type A jump into everything with gusto, LOTS of gusto, kind of person and that’s exactly what I did when we found out we couldn’t conceive a child naturally. I don’t just mean personally but with everyone around me. I don’t shy away from the topic and I’m pretty much an open book so feel free to ask any questions. I’ll try to give you the abridged version…

My husband and I were both under 30 and very healthy people so according to the “definition” of infertility, we should be good to go. We started TTC in the fall of 2009 but after just two months, there was no baby in my belly. I started researching ovulation, wivetales, anything to get pregnant then one day, my boss said something that clicked in my mind. We both had some medical issues as children so maybe that effected it. I called my OB’s office to just pick their brain and that was the phone call that started it all. My doctor wanted to meet with me-yikes!

In January 2010, I met with her and we discussed our medical history. She seemed upbeat that we could conceive on our own but just to be sure, DH should have a semen analysis. Let me tell you how thrilled I was to tell him this and for him to hear it. This was just the start of TMI that he and I would share with each other over the next two years. He had it done and his numbers were low…like really low but his doctor was optimistic that we could just do IUI and get pregnant. He referred us to an RE and the we waited…

After a two month wait in April 2010, we finally got in and I was shocked when I was told that IVF would be the only way we’d ever get pregnant. Talk about the bottom of your world totally falling out from under you. I sobbed…and sobbed…and tried to figure what life would be like without even getting a chance to TRY to be a mom; I knew there was no way we could afford IVF not to mention it was only a 50-50 shot. After our appointment, my husband and I drove to lunch and he asked why I was so upset. I could feel lasers in my eyes about to shoot him dead when I told him I knew we couldn’t afford it. He rubbed my leg and told me that we could, we’d just have to save up for it and then we could try. In that split second he said those words, I was already crunching numbers, figuring out how long it would take and when we could try…like I said, I jump in with gusto.

I decided to take my mind off TTC and turned to running. Again, gusto…I decided to run a marathon. When I jump in, I jump ALL in. In October 2010, I completed my first marathon and in November 2010, we started our first and only cycle of IVF.

It was a long, difficult process and by difficult, I mean I was on an emotional roller coaster…crying one day because I hadn’t got my Lupron bleed, celebrating the next because it came, freaking out because I ran out of meds, ecstatic when my doctor retrieved 16 eggs, tortured because my bladder was overfull on the day of transfer, naming all of the 8 embryos we had and then total devastation when I got the BFN two days before Christmas…

Words can’t explain how hurt I was, my world was broken, my hurt ripped out of my chest…I could sit here and give you metaphors but none of them will give you an inkling of how I felt. I sulked and questioned why and pouted for a couple weeks and then I met with a pastor friend of ours. I decided I didn’t want to continue to feel like this, I needed to figure out a way to move on and we still had three totsicles left so there was still SOME hope left. When I met with the pastor, he read me this verse Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” This made me think maybe my calling was to bring knowledge to others about infertility.

My husband and I discussed that we weren’t ready to go through with the FET just yet. It was our last hope and I just wasn’t ready to let go of that hope yet. I spent the next 8 months working my tail off to get in shape and get healthy to make my body baby-ready. In August 2011, we started our FET and transferred all three totsicles.

On August 27, I started a local infertility organization with two other women just one day after the FET. Again gusto, this kept me busy planning our first conference. It took my mind off the dreaded 2ww and allowed me to focus on helping others. On September 7, I went in to have my blood drawn to test my beta level which was 764! This is a great number! I went back a week later and the number showed I was off the chart for triplets; my husband almost fainted. When we went in for our first ultrasound, it was revealed that there were two sweet babies in my belly. Unfortunately, Baby B had double bubble trouble and didn’t make it past eight weeks but my sweet Baby A was looking awesome.

I went 41 weeks pregnant, worrying every single second…about the baby, about the feelings of others, anything I could worry about I did. Then on May 18, 2012 at 10:20pm, a sweet baby girl (that we thought was a boy!) was placed on my chest and every single worry was gone. I was a mom.

What is something that helped you get through the hard times?
Support…family, friends, bloggers. Also talking about it, whenever I could to whoever I could, it was nice to not have it all just bottled up inside of my head. Also, running and working out. I’ve never been a runner but being able to set a goal and accomplish something I could control helped me to get through the things I couldn’t control.

What is one piece of advice you would give to someone on their own unexpected journey?

You’re not alone and there’s more women/men/couples then you realize in your circle that are experiencing the same sort of thing. None of our stories are exactly the same but we’ve all experienced the heartache. Find support, even if you’re keeping your journey private, there’s plenty of online blogs, groups, etc…that can help you through this time. Sometimes the “strangers” were the best support I had.

How did it affect your marriage, was it positive, negative or both?

Infertility can kill a marriage and definitely your sex life. I won’t lie and say our marriage was always rainbows and sprinkles but when push came to shove, my husband was there for me when I needed him. We just always tried to be honest with each other about our feelings on everything, our feelings & fears and even though we didn’t always agree, at least we knew where the other one stood.

How can you help a friend going through infertility or loss?
Let them lean on you and tell/guide you what they need from you. DO NOT tell them about someone else who went through the same thing, that it’ll get easier or any other else along those lines. Until you’ve walked a day in their shoes, you’ll never understand so the best thing you can do is simply to be a friend. Let them cry, vent, scream and then hug them and tell them you’ll be there no matter what.

Is there anything you wish you would have done differently or looking back, anything you would change?

I really don’t because if I changed one step of our journey, I may not have my sweet AR who is my world.

I hope my story has given you some insight into our journey and made you realize that you’re not alone. We’ve all been in the fight of infertility and, although, no story is the same or ends the same, we’re all in this together…to support each other. I pray every night that no one experience what we did and that the couples that are, that one day they will be holding their own sweet AR in their arms.