Welcome to week four of the One Year and Beyond Series, part 2. The topic for today is dealing with separation anxiety. My first thought when I read this topic was Me or AG? This mama has a HARD time being away from her little girl. Unless she’s with her nana, other than that I worry all the time.
I know I need to talk about my little today, not my issues. I honestly don’t have much advice to give on this topic. AG has never had a babysitter that hasn’t been a family member or close friend. She’s never gone to daycare or preschool. She has gone to the church nursery and also is left at the gym in the child care area.
When we moved to TX one of my biggest concerns was how I was going to get any alone time without any family around. I absolutely love my time with AG. I cherish it. I don’t want to sound selfish. At the same time I need some me time each week. In FL, I was used to my mom coming over one day every weekend while my dad golfed. During the week, my dad would come over one afternoon. I had help when I needed it. I was able to run an errand alone and get caught up on work without chasing around a little. In TX we knew no one in the area.
To this day, I am not comfortable leaving her with a stranger. I won’t use any of the babysitting sites or even using friends’ sitters. Hubs and I go on dates when my mom visits. I do have friends in the area that I am comfortable leaving her with if needed, like I said I have my own issues with this topic.
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Before we moved to the area, I looked for gyms.
I found a YMCA that was about 5 miles from our house.
A few days after we moved in and my parents left, I joined. It’s one of the smallest Y’s I’ve ever seen. I instantly fell in love with the child care area and the girls working there.
I knew I was close enough to AG if she needed me, or I needed to check on her for piece of mind.
I was excited about having some time to focus on me while giving her time to interact with other kids.
I found a YMCA that was about 5 miles from our house.
A few days after we moved in and my parents left, I joined. It’s one of the smallest Y’s I’ve ever seen. I instantly fell in love with the child care area and the girls working there.
I knew I was close enough to AG if she needed me, or I needed to check on her for piece of mind.
I was excited about having some time to focus on me while giving her time to interact with other kids.
Fast forward to the first day she went.
Mind you, she had never been left alone with a “stranger” before.
At the time she was 13 months old.
I decided the best approach was to go in with her. I sat down in the kids area. Showed her the toys, encouraged play with the other kids and girls that worked there. After 10 minutes, I would leave.
And she would cry.
Actually not cry, she would scream.
So loud, you could hear her across the gym.
Everyday my heart broke. I felt defeated.
I would let her cry for 5 minutes and go in to get her.
No workout for me.
Even though it was hard, so hard I wasn’t about to give up.
I needed this time and so did she.
So EVERYDAY for the next TWO WEEKS we went to the gym.
I didn’t wear workout clothes because I knew I wouldn’t get a workout in.
For the first week I continued going in with her and then leaving the room for a bit longer each day.
Some days she would stop crying, others she wouldn’t.
On week two, I stopped going in.
I would leave her at the door, screaming crying.
I would go to a little table outside and listen to her cry for 10 minutes.
Then I would go and get her.
Each day I increased the amount of time I left her.
As the end of the week came around, she started to stop crying.
Over the next month, I continued to bring her.
Most days she would have some tears going in but stopped within a few minutes.
I was able to workout and she learned that I wasn’t leaving her forever.
It’s been almost a year since we moved here and started at the Y.
Having that time at the gym three days a week is something I look forward to.
It’s my me time.
It’s also great for AG.
It’s her time to play with other kids.
Learn how to share and trust other adults who are caring for her.
Sticking it out was the best thing I did.
Not only for myself, but for her as well.
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In a month she starts MDO two mornings a week. I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t a nervous wreck. I know it will be an adjustment for the both of us. I’m sure there will be tears and rough mornings when she knows where she’s going at the beginning. I’m not sure if I will be able to leave the parking lot on the first day but I know in time, we will both be okay. These are just the first lessons in growing up that we’re going to experience together. Even though she’ll always be my baby, she needs to be able to spread those little wings of hers and learn to fly.
Dealing with separation anxiety can be tough for any mama. Be sure to check out the other mamas in our series for their helpful posts. If you’ve got a post on separation anxiety, don’t forget to link it up with us below!
July 10: Keeping your marriage alive with a toddler
July 17: Favorite summer toddler activities
July 24: Helping Your Toddler to Communicate (Words, emotions, etc.)
July 31: Dealing with Separation Anxiety
Aug 7: Car Trip Necessities
Aug 14: Deciding when the time is right for baby #2 (and/or how to handle these questions)
Aug 21: Tricks for eating out with your toddler
Aug 28: Feeling confident as a mom (How to feel this way, Your struggle with, etc.)
we had the same thing at our gym, the first few times there was a lot of crying. Heck even so many months later there is still crying but stops after 30 seconds of being gone, but yes it totally breaks your heart!
I so admire your determination with the YMCA! I've tried to leave my son so many times and it's so traumatic for him. He gets hives and screams and it's just awful. I gave up. :/ I'm so glad you have that time!!
I'm totally with you on the babysitter thing. I only feel comfortable leaving my daughter with family, so date nights only happen when we're visiting or if they're here visiting us. I do have one friend who I trust here that I've left her with twice. It's so hard for me, I won't use a babysitting service or anything like that. I go to a workout class twice a week and they have child care, that started off rough too like it did for you. Eventually she got better and now doesn't even cry. I'm eager to here how your MDO experience goes, I haven't looked into that at all.
You are such a good momma! Sticking it out is always the best thing, but also the hardest! It's so hard to let them cry, but it's a necessity sometimes for them to learn that we WILL return to them!