Please help me welcome Ashley today! Thanks to the blogging world, Ashley and I connected many years ago. She is now the mom of the most adorable little boy and praying for baby number two, a feeling I can relate to well. Thank you Ashely for sharing, here is her journey.
—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-Hi, my name is Ashley and you can find me over at Life As I Know It. I am a lifestyle blogger and pretty much share our daily life on my blog. Our crazy house consists of my husband, who helps run our family business in farm drainage with his Dad and he is a part time firefighter in our village. We started off with two Golden Retrievers (Lily and Gracie) and ended up with 4 cats – yep insert crazy cat lady caption! We also have Noah, who is 16 months old and he is seriously the best little thing in our life. Needless to say life is very rarely dull around these parts and quite busy!
We waited 4 very long years for our baby while struggling with infertility. I had less than a 4% chance of conceiving and clearly we beat those odds. I was diagnosed with a hydrosalpinx in my right tube and after finding out our first round of IVF failed, we decided to undergo surgery to close off my tube to prevent any bad fluid from leaking out. Unfortunately there isn’t a lot of info on hydro’s so it is unclear how I got mine, or its effects on potential conception, but they think it is a toxic fluid that is released, hence why closing that tube was suggested.
We tried IVF a few more times with no luck, I would produce the minimum amount of eggs and never had any left over to freeze and use again. We were priming for our 4th round with Clomid and sure enough we had a false positive, which then led right into our successful pregnancy the following month.
My pregnancy was amazing, despite breaking my ankle at 25 weeks pregnant and then being put on blood pressure medication the same week, as my blood pressure started going up around 18 weeks and by 25 weeks I was diagnosed with borderline hypertension. We were due March 9, 2014 and ended up having emergency induction at 36 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia. I ended up with 36 hours of labor, a lot of fear, magnesium sulphate (horrible stuff), back labor, and then an emergency c-section. Our son was born and sent straight to the NICU, where he remained for a few days. We were in the hospital just short of a full week, as my blood pressure was still not stabilizing, however, I convinced the doctor it would be better at home and that I would monitor it closely, plus I was on meds. Within a month or so, I was feeling back to normal.
My husband and I were on cloud 9! We were blessed with a really good baby, we felt overwhelmed with love, knowing this child was ours – we don’t have to send him home at the end of night, we can hold him all night long if we want to. Our prayers, dreams and hopes had come true. We had a baby and we couldn’t love him more. It was all worth it.
But… Here I am today to tell you we can’t wait to do it all over again. We obviously chose not to go on any birth control post baby, come 2015 we decided that we would start talking about going back to the fertility clinic. We will start off with trying what worked for us last time, but so far no such luck. I actually thought maybe it would work the same way, but it just goes to show how much of a miracle our son is! We no doubt have a long road a head, but this time around I am in a much better place! Not only do I have an amazing little boy, but I also know what my body is capable of, along with what it is not. I CAN get pregnant. I CAN carry a baby and have a successful pregnancy, these are both things I didn’t know last time.
As each month passes without pregnancy, I try my best not to get upset. I know this is my time with my son, just him and I (I am a stay-at-home mom). We don’t get these days back, each and every day is soo very different and I want to continue to enjoy that. Granted that doesn’t mean I don’t fail and get upset, because it has happened and then I was mad at myself for being upset. Infertility this second time around is like a big head game, you feel bad for wanting more, you feel ungrateful for what you have, you will beat yourself up more and second guess this choice for your family.
Where do you draw the line? When is enough – enough? I don’t have answers to that. What I do know is that it is okay to be upset, not to mention the hormones you are pumping in your body (if you are doing treatments like myself) don’t help matters. But I try my best to do it on my time, not my husbands, not my child’s. Noah obviously doesn’t get what is going on, but I don’t want to spend our time together being upset! Do I still feel some of the same feelings I did in the first struggle? Yes. Selfishly, yes. Do I still have to deal with inconsiderate people and comments? You bet! But it is easier, if you can use that word in the same sentence as infertility, but let’s face it, it is likely the one of the hardest things in life you will have to face. My husband and I are stronger together because of it.
My advice is to hold on to hope like never before, I swear that is all I survived on for those 4 long years, but it saw me though. I beat this once and I will try my darnedest to do it again. Treatments have come a long way in just 2 years. Stay positive and hold your head held high. We suffered in silence during our initial struggle, whereas now, it’s out, so if someone has something to say, I will inform them just how precious life is. A lot of people will tell you to relax and it will happen? I have a diagnosis, relaxing is not a cure, but man if that is all I have to do, then book me month long vacay somewhere tropical. I’ve tried worse and more painful things than that to make this happen. Stay strong and let yourself have time to grieve any failed treatments or cycles. It’s okay.
Feel free to pop by my blog to say hello sometime and I will you all the best in your journeys. If you have any questions or need any support at all, email me at lifeasiknowit09blog@gmail.com
Thank you Leah for having me, I love sharing our story and hope it can inspire or help someone else.
Looks great Leah! Thanks soo much for having me and allowing me to share our story!!!
Ashley recently posted…And It’s Thursday